Sunday, March 22, 2009

Oddities, Take 1

OK, so, I may as well get this out in the open right now. I'm pretty weird nuts batshit crazy quirky.

So now that I've disclaimed that... I have this thing about my undergarments. They must match. Ideally they will coordinate with what I'm wearing, too, but my bra and panties must match each other or I will not leave the house. Seriously. If I'm in black and I change my mind to put on a white shirt necessitating a bra change, the undies are changing too. I know. I know.

I'm not sure what it stems from... ok... that's a lie. It started after getting caught in an impromptu game of strip poker in high school. The habit served me well during some sorority hazing, too. But really, as an adult, do I really need to worry about suddenly finding myself in only my skivvies in public? Probably not. But you.never.know. (Maybe I've just taken that "always wear clean underwear" a bit far... and- since you already know I'm insane I may as well admit that by the same token... I'm ALWAYS... um...*well groomed*... just in case I am in an accident and my clothes have to be cut off- because really that's what the paramedics are worried about... the state of my fuzzy. Um... at this point I feel it necessary to ask you to please reread the first sentence of this post.)

And, I guess it's silly, but it's become a bit of a security blanket for me. Kind of like a superhero outfit I've got on under my clothes. You know, just in case I actually do end up having to walk into that conference room and give my presentation half dressed a la those nightmares we've all had. I know. I know. It makes no sense. But I feel a little better knowing I'm coordinated should spontaneous near-nakedness occur.

I was explaining this to a friend of mine who has now started referring to this obsessive pairing as my 'roos (after underoos). And within my 'roos, I have something of a heirarchy. There's the "normal" (as if any of this is normal) pairings... whites, nudes, pale pinks, blacks. Then there's the "power" pairings... the red, the royal blue, the hot pink, the bolder patterns. Now, the power pairings can be worn on any given day, but absolutely must be worn on difficult days.... Like layoff days.... And trying-something-new days... And my-life-sucks-how-am-I-going-to-do-this days... Basically any day I feel like I might need an extra surge of confidence or bravado. Some people swipe on extra mascara... I put on lace boyshorts with rhinestones.

Tomorrow is my divorce hearing. I'm not quite sure I have anything quite up for the job. Would it be too weird if I added a cape?


Io said...

I think a cape would not be out of line. Maybe just small one.
I could NOT be organized enough to match my underwear every day, but I can appreciate the feeling of badassishness it must lend you.
Good luck tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

[Here from LFCA]

Love the "power pairings"! Great idea for a confidence boost! I hope your hearing goes well tomorrow. Maybe you can find some Wonder Woman underoos to go with the cape.