Sunday, March 24, 2013

A Brief Catch Up

So. Um. Yeah. It turns out that I didn't really have the time I thought I would to keep up a blog about life after a divorce. I think that was largely because I kept myself so freaking busy fearing that if I had too much down time I might wallow. Here's the brief recap, some of which will warrant more posts in the future.

After March, 2009-as cliche as it is- was really a year of growth for me.  Finally divorced, I got comfortable with who I am and what I wanted out of life. I was selfish--but in a good way. The way that I allowed myself to think of my feelings before putting everyone else first all the time. I was dating. I started out very guarded.  Almost merciless.  Gradually I started being less of a fortress. By the end of the year I had reconnected with a college friend and felt the first twinges of being open to having another person in my life.  Really in it.

In early 2010, that faded away- mostly from distance (different states) and different lifestyles.  In March, the house finally sold, which was a huge relief.  My grandmother passed away and- this deserves a post of it's own- that was really an "aha" moment for me. A week or so after her funeral, on a whim I signed up for online dating.  It was Easter Sunday.  I went out on my first and only online date that Thursday.  We moved in together 6 months later.  I never in a million years would have believed that if it hadn't happened.

In 2011, we got engaged, married, and bought a house. Oh, and I changed jobs. It was a busy and wonderful year. 

In 2012, we adopted a dog and we started trying for a family. This came with A LOT of baggage for me. The X and I had tried for 7 years with no luck- and no diagnosis. I really hoped that since everything was so different (and So. Much. Better) this time, that this would be easier too. It really wasn't. Well, that's not entirely true... it was easier going through it with someone who isn't a jerk, but still the waiting and the hoping and the constant disappointment, that just sucks regardless.  To save myself the heartache of this dragging on for years, I set a deadline of December after which I didn't want to try anymore.  And just under the wire- with 10 days left in 2012- I conceived.  Naturally.  HOLY CRAP!

A month in to 2013, we saw a heartbeat on an ultrasound. Something I had never seen and had, quite honestly, given up hope of ever seeing. Two weeks later, I was in the hospital having a miscarriage. 

And this is what has brought me back to the keyboard. Much like the difficulty of infertility treatments got me writing my first blog several years ago, I just feel compelled to write. 


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